Dearly Degloggers,
I’ve featured my friend Ian Ghost and his poetry on my blog before, but this one takes the cake! A segway of one liners that leaves you exhausted with imagery and acute logic.
Untitled
the frog is a loud mouth
who wishes he spoke in whispers
the tree only whispers
and is happy to do so
the seagull reads with his clothes on
the dust mite is a bore
the dolphin is a Rastafarian
the salmon believes in God
the wolf spits when he talks
and aims for the eye
Blake is not Blake
Dylan is Blake
Zimmerman is a Brooklyn-based Cantor
who sings Celtic folk songs in Yiddish
the honey bee doesn’t collect honey at all
it’s only a sexist code name he uses
to lie to his wife with
the honey bee used to be called the pussy bee
the maggot is active rice
the beaver has a lawsuit pending against the vagina
claiming copyright infringement
the breast is full of herself
the camel is a nasty drunk
the elephant performed genocide
against the mammoth
and blamed it on the Indians
the rat acts more busy than he is
the cat is a racist
the gorilla is a monkey in a gorilla suit
the simile is overused
and unimaginative
the platypus
I don’t know
the Englishman
is an eastern gentleman
with a French hate of the States
the woman has glorious eyes
even when sleeping
the jackal is a jerk
the bat has no affiliation with the rat
the shrew won’t stop talking about the dog
the dog doesn’t even know who the shrew is
the owl couldn’t be reached for comment
the spitting cobra is a white supremacist
who is sometimes born black to suit the laws of irony
the rat snake has an identity problem
the reticulated python is very reticulated
I’m told
although at this time I don’t know what that means
the anaconda has a fear of intimacy
the flea flicker is not a bug at all
the pig is a hog with humanity
the dinosaur was never extinct
just pissed off
the badger is a bitch
the clown loach is a burlesque show
the window is a door
invented by the hinge
to undermine the wall
the wall is nothing but trouble
the crayfish was denied color for stealing salmon eggs
the yak is sick of it all
the clouds won’t leave me alone
the hornet pilfers fine words
and sells them to the panda for lion tusks
the ram is a washed up porno star
who blames his fall on the Rosenbergs
the sturgeon died for her kids
the mole is Abraham
and gave his eyes for God
the titmouse told me sex sells
and charged me twenty dollars for that bit of information
the hole is misunderstood
yhe ox invented boredom
and marketed it as God-candy
which the bears bought up by the gross
the chameleon is a cross-dresser
the butterfly is a moth with money
the crocodile envies the walrus
who is equally as ridiculous looking
but gives birth to live young
the raven is a dark imposing figure
who drinks bourbon and belittles his wife in public
the peacock is all talk
the man is a land shark
who pisses in the water and complains about the taste
the sloth is full of shit
the mink is nothing more than connective tissue
the mongoose drank Pop Rocks with Coke
then turned into the Surgeon General
the leach is a slug with teeth
the pilot fish has fake documents
the squirrel got caught plagiarizing the unpublished works
of the plagiarized works of Chaucer
the goat is a yenta
the zebra is a horse impersonator
the praying mantis is a scientoligist
and a close relative to the cricket
the cricket keeps me up all night
reciting bad poetry
the pigeon exists only in mythology
the unicorn chews on coca leaves
to forget about his miserable job
the lizard lost his original tail
in a game of chicken against the dog
now he has two
the man believes in rain
its all he’s got left
the smile evolved from the daydream
who’s evolution is unclear
the hyena has a reputation for sudden fits of laughter
but that’s all a front
in fact he’s highly medicated
and considered potentially suicidal
the chipmunk loves everybody
and has been spotted paying off the bear
to stop eating the salmon
the locust is nothing more than a grasshopper
don’t let somebody to tell you differently
the scarab died for the sins of the lotus
who has been reincarnated into the dung beetle
who is forced to eat shit to appease the scorpion
who has been bellyaching for centuries about
how bad he was fucked on the deal
the sea refuses to speak unkindly about the land
which for the most part has been her undoing
the sea is covered with a fine layer of skin
the man is also covered with skin
but its consistency is questionable
the roadrunner is a cartoon
the tooth has been important in the fight against the flesh
the cheek holds in it many secrets
the preacher sued the bear
in a case involving the distribution rights
over God-candy
the preacher withdrew immediately
after the bear’s lawyer
obtained an incriminating videotape
clearly displaying the plaintiff in a compromising position
with the honey-bee’s wife
the tear is a by-product of the face
who’s stories when sincere
are the most exquisite things on earth
the finger needs supervision
the cornea invented everything
the thank you is an expression of sobriety from
cleaned up heroin addicts
the fuck you is an expression of bamboozlement from
newly created methadone addicts
the prick is a dick who was a peter who became the cock
the cock is a chicken who moonlights as procreation
the sorry never tasted anything and was sorry not to
the rumor is the flunky of the man
and talks all day about all the woman he fucked
the rumor is still a virgin
and if I have more time I’ll tell you why
the sedative is the smile during sleep
the carpet was the prototype for sheep
the nostril is the escape clause of the mouth
the hand is no relation to the finger
the mockingbird is jealous of the moon
which is why he teamed up with the rumor
the sex is busy getting busy
and is also the subdivision of long addition
the tongue wants equal rights
but is no better than the finger
the leopard is the song before the music
the ruddy duck is the cheerleader of fools
the Indian pea-fowl wets his bed
the blerbok is the founder of the third school of redundancy
the Burmese python is really from Boston
which is why he never speaks in the jungle
the ibex screwed the tahr only to create the first donor
in a super race of hooded morgansers
the hooded morganser doesn’t speak to his parents at all
and when drunk refers to them as the loveless freaks
whose boredom made him an orphan
the porpoise is not the dolphin
the dolphin is not God
the porpoise is
©ian ghost
